Hard Day

Its been a very hard, sad day.  I’m sitting here sobbing.  I know it sounds silly, but I just left my one and only child 45 minutes down the highway, in his new digs, with four other guys.  Yes, my only child has left home at the age of 19.  How can I not be a part of his every day life anymore?  Not see him every day?  Not see him except on weekends if I’m lucky.  And once school starts it probably won’t be that often.  I feel like someone punched me in the stomach.  He took all his posters down.  He left a lot in his room, too, so he’ll have to come back for some stuff.  I could tell he was stressed out and nervous.  Only one shelf in the pantry for his food; only one shelf in the fridge.  Only a few towels.  An upper bunk.  This is a child who grew up not having to share a room or a bathroom or have anything but peace and quiet to study.  I just want to keep him all tucked up safe and warm.    He lived at home his first two years of college, but now has decided to transfer.  In a year he’ll be traveling to Japan to study abroad.  Hopefully, I’ll take that parting a little better, but probably not.  Won’t think about that now.   The cat is laying on a pile of his clothes he left behind.  How do parents who lose children to death cope?  I can’t even begin to imagine.    He’s only gone 45 minutes from home and I’m a mess. 

Now I have to focus on how to get ready for farmer’s market tomorrow.  I think I really screwed up committing to it this season.  I just can’t handle it right now. 

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