Well, you’re just going to have to bear with me a while in this one. Our son moving out has hit me so much harder than I would have thought. Farmers’ Market was really, really hard yesterday. I did not want to be there, but didn’t have the new manager’s number and its totally not cool to just not show up. Anyway, I have this weird, German Texan thing about “you have to do this because you said you would” mentality. So, I went and set up the booth and just kind of sat like a lump on a log and every time a friend would stop by to say hello, I would just start tearing up.
You know, true friends are so precious. Leann, the owner of Soy Candle Cottage, was so sweet and empathized so sincerely because she has been through this. She told me what to expect over the next months and let me know it was okay to be “out of it.” Other friends were so kind and it makes me feel loved. Thank you, guys. I love you, too.
We traveled 3 hours to my parents’ house yesterday afternoon and came back today. My Mom went through the separation anxiety 3 times with us girls and she was also a good shoulder. I felt guilty leaving an hour earlier than we usually do to get back home in hopes of seeing our son at a friends’ house for dinner tonight. Now I know why Mom always stands in the driveway and waves until she can’t see us anymore. I’m so glad they moved next door to my youngest sister and her family a couple of years ago. Now I know she and Dad won’t be lonely. I am going to do better, though, and call more than just once a week. Seeing it from the other side opens your eyes.
One of these days I’ll probably look back on these posts and realize how pathetic I must sound, but right now it feels good to be able to put it all down in writing. I feel like a part of my life has ended and I guess it has. Its hard to put into words the physical aching, the fatigue, the near panic attacks where your mind tells you something is terribly wrong and your heart starts pounding. But then at other times, I get my mind occupied with other things and I’m okay. Then it just comes rushing back in.
I know our son must be going through some adjustment, too. He’s accustomed to privacy and his own space which will be hard to come by in a house with 4 other guys. He sounded really tired when I talked to him today (yes, I called, I couldn’t go a whole day without hearing his voice). I worry about him not eating well and not getting enough sleep.
Change of subject. I’m going to be talking to a woman about buying the dog treat business tomorrow. For those of you out there who are pray-ers, please pray for this to all work out. I really, really, really want out from under it.
Okay, enough self-pity for one day. Off to change clothes, put on a little makeup, and go have dinner with our dear friends.
Thanks for listening,